Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
