This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
