you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize
