I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
