I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
