I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
