The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
