so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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