I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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