i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
