Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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