bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
