Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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