Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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