I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
