Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Randomize
