If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
