Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I can't put those talents on a resume
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
