btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
