Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
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Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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