she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
