she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
