at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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