who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Everyone says I win the strip club
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
