I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize