maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
