Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
