you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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