you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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