he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize