he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
apparently the secret to your success is patron
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
