Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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