you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
