:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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