margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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