I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
