Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
God, I missed his penis.
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