I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
