question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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