I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
