my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
