Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
