you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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