Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
