I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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