To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
