Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
even my farts smell like vagina
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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