I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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