Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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