This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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