He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the day after is always just damage control
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
