Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sobbing to NWA
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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