Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
