Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
