Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
