i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
