just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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