Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
