I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
