You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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