those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
