I CAN MOONWALK!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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