Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
