i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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