capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
