Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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