yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
