the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
