Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
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So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
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i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
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