I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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