so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
