It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
