allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
