What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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