i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
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