Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
