So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
