Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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