watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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