Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize