Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
